Tourists Shocked as Trump-Epstein Statue Melts Away, Revealing Hidden Vault Labeled ‘All the Epstein Files’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The National Mall briefly turned into a scene out of a fever dream on Tuesday after the controversial “Best Friends Forever” statue of Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein began to melt in the afternoon sun, revealing what appeared to be a steel vault padlocked and boldly labeled ‘All the Epstein Files.’

Witnesses say the bronze figures started dripping like wax before collapsing into a puddle of tanning spray and cologne. “At first I thought it was performance art,” said one tourist, “but then I saw the words on the vault and immediately knew Park Police were about to cover it in a tarp.”

Within minutes, security officials arrived and insisted the vault was “purely decorative” and “absolutely did not contain the tens of thousands of unreleased documents the Justice Department swore don’t exist.” The vault was swiftly forklifted onto an unmarked truck, which, according to observers, drove in slow circles around the Capitol before vanishing into an underground garage.

White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt dismissed the spectacle as “liberal cosplay,” reminding reporters that President Trump “never even liked Epstein” and that any vault labeled ‘All the Epstein Files’ was clearly a Democratic hoax.

Still, tourists say the imagery was haunting. “It’s the most honest monument I’ve ever seen in D.C.,” one visitor said, “and of course they hauled it away.”