Trump Quietly Signs Epstein Bill, Prompting Nation to Ask: “Okay… What’s the Catch?”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump signed the bill to release the DOJ’s Epstein files on Wednesday—without cameras, without ceremony, and without the usual theatrics he reserves for anything involving his own handwriting.

The news came through a single Truth Social post, where Trump announced he’d signed the bill before immediately launching into his usual grievance-filled rant.

“It was unnerving,” said one White House aide. “He didn’t even call for photographers. The man once summoned a camera crew just to sign a printout of his own poll numbers.”

Lawmakers on the Hill reacted with similar confusion. “Last week he acted like this bill was a live grenade,” said one Democratic staffer. “Now he signs it like he’s trying not to wake a sleeping baby? I don’t trust it.”

Legal analysts remain focused on the bill’s active investigation clause, which allows the DOJ to withhold documents tied to any ongoing inquiry. “You don’t need to be a conspiracy theorist to see the play they’re setting up,” said one attorney. “It’s literally in the writing of the bill.”

For now, Americans wait for the files and brace themselves for whatever definition of “active investigation” the administration unveils. One voter summed up the mood: “When Trump does something this quietly… I don’t know, and frankly I might not want to know.”