Nation Exhausted As Epstein Files Become Endless Bureaucratic Endurance Test

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Americans reported widespread emotional fatigue Saturday after the Justice Department’s long-awaited Epstein files release entered its second day and immediately transformed into an exercise in document removal, quiet revisions, and officials insisting everything was “extremely transparent actually.”

The fatigue intensified after multiple documents—including a photo showing two images of Donald Trump tucked inside one of Jeffrey Epstein’s drawers—briefly appeared online before disappearing without explanation. The DOJ offered no notice, no clarification, and no acknowledgement beyond hoping nobody noticed.

White House spokesperson Abigail Jackson nonetheless reassured the public that the Trump administration remains “the most transparent in history,” a claim officials continue to repeat with unwavering confidence as pages vanish, images evaporate, and nearly 700 fully redacted documents sit online like a practical joke.

“This was supposed to be about accountability,” said one exhausted voter, staring blankly at a DOJ webpage that now mostly resembles a black rectangle museum. “Instead it feels like we’re being dared to keep caring.”

Democratic lawmakers accused the DOJ of violating federal law and protecting powerful interests, while the administration countered by insisting it had already done more than anyone ever has, despite clear evidence to the contrary.

At press time, Americans were preparing themselves for three more years of this exact experience.