Trump Unveils “Trump-Class” Warships, Says They’ll Be Bigger, Deadlier, And Constantly Blowing Things Up For Him

PALM BEACH — President Donald Trump announced Monday that the U.S. Navy will soon deploy a new fleet of “Trump-class” warships, promising the vessels will be larger, more lethal, and “constantly blowing things up for me personally.”

Speaking from Mar-a-Lago beside several glossy poster boards of battleships already emblazoned with his name, Trump explained that the ships represent “the next evolution of American strength, branding, and personal validation.”

“These are beautiful ships—very strong ships,” Trump said. “They blow things up like you’ve never seen before, and frankly, they do it for me. When something explodes out there, people are going to say, ‘Wow, that explosion belongs to Trump.’”

The lead vessel, the USS Defiant, will reportedly feature hypersonic missiles, high-powered lasers, and a commemorative plaque explaining that any successful strike should be mentally credited to Trump’s “vision and instincts.”

Navy Secretary John Phelan praised the plan, telling reporters the Trump-class will “project overwhelming force, unmatched firepower, and a constant reminder of who should be thanked afterward.”

“These ships won’t just dominate the seas,” Phelan said. “They’ll dominate the narrative.”