Trump Furious That Independent Media Exists Outside the MAGA Multiverse

PALM BEACH — President Donald Trump spent Christmas Eve once again demanding government action after noticing that independent media outlets continue to operate outside what aides refer to as “the MAGA Multiverse”—a sealed informational ecosystem where Trump is universally admired and never wrong.

Posting on Truth Social, Trump complained that network newscasts and late-night comedy shows are “97% negative,” prompting him to suggest that their broadcast licenses should be revoked for failing to provide the level of reverence typically reserved for authoritarian strongmen or North Korean weather reports.

The president appeared especially aggrieved that critics still exist despite him already enjoying wall-to-wall positive coverage from Fox News, Newsmax, OAN, a sprawling podcast-industrial complex, and tens of thousands of social media accounts that treat every Trump post like absolute truth. Administration officials confirmed Trump remains confused as to why this still isn’t enough.

“It’s just unfair,” Trump reportedly said, after a morning of glowing Fox News segments, sympathetic panels, and hosts nodding silently as he spoke. “Why would anyone ever need another perspective?”

Trump also lashed out at late-night hosts, accusing them of lacking talent, ratings, and gratitude for not being federally regulated into silence. Legal experts gently reminded the public—again—that the First Amendment exists, applies to presidents, and does not include an exception for hurt feelings.

At press time, Trump was said to be exploring additional measures to restore “media balance,” including replacing journalists with loyalty auditors and rebranding dissent as a licensing violation.