AI Advances at Historic Speed While U.S. Economy Remains Firmly Stuck in ‘Have a Job or Die’ Mode

SILICON VALLEY — As artificial intelligence advanced at a pace normally reserved for science fiction novels this year, the United States confirmed that its economic model remains unchanged, requiring the average citizen to maintain full-time employment at all costs or immediately experience financial collapse.

The disconnect became harder to ignore after Bernie Sanders warned that AI could soon replace millions of workers while Congress has yet to articulate even a rough plan for how people might survive once that happens. “If there are no jobs and humans won’t be needed for most things, how do people get an income to feed their families, to get healthcare or to pay the rent?” Sanders asked, a question lawmakers reportedly found “interesting but premature.”

Meanwhile, tech companies continue enthusiastically rolling out AI tools capable of doing the work of entire departments, often while simultaneously encouraging displaced workers to “upskill” into roles that may also no longer exist by the time training is complete.

“I actually love using AI,” admitted Kevin Kessel, a marketing analyst who was laid off earlier this year after his firm automated half its workflow. “It makes things faster, it’s genuinely impressive. I just wish someone could explain how I’m supposed to exist in a system where my job disappears but my mortgage doesn’t.”

Despite tens of thousands of AI-related layoffs and growing unease among white-collar workers, government officials and corporate leaders have largely reassured the public that everything will work out—without specifying how, when, or for whom.

At press time, Americans were encouraged to remain optimistic about the future as the economy continues operating as if jobs are infinite.