U.S. Exempted From 15% Global Corporate Tax After Threatening to Punish Countries That Enforce It

GENEVA — The United States was officially exempted this week from a 15% global corporate tax agreement after warning other countries it would retaliate against anyone bold enough to apply the rules to American companies.

Under the revised deal, U.S. corporations will continue routing profits through low-tax havens like Bermuda and the Cayman Islands, while other nations pay the tax in exchange for avoiding penalties written into Trump’s “One Big Beautiful” budget bill.

Officials described the exemption as a win for “American workers,” a group routinely invoked whenever corporations need cover, and ignored when it comes time to fund healthcare, housing, childcare, or anything that might make life marginally less difficult for the average citizen.

Analysts noted the 15% rate was already modest, yet was still deemed too burdensome for companies reporting record profits while their stock prices continue to soar.

At press time, lawmakers reiterated there was little room to fund healthcare, housing, or other public programs, but confirmed significant flexibility remained when it came to shielding U.S. corporations from tax rules.