Trump Spends Two Hours Proving No One Can Stop Him Once He Starts Talking

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump spent nearly two uninterrupted hours Tuesday demonstrating that once he begins speaking, no known force—human, procedural, or physical—can make him stop.

The press conference—originally billed as a one-year recap—quickly devolved into a live endurance event as Trump launched into a sprawling monologue covering his accomplishments, his childhood, his personal bravery, and several unrelated memories that appeared to surface in real time.

Reporters made repeated attempts to ask questions, only to be cut off mid-sentence as Trump continued speaking over them, around them, and, at times, seemingly through them. One journalist managed to ask four words before Trump resumed talking without acknowledging the interruption.

At one point, the president flipped through a massive binder labeled “365 WINS,” reading from it slowly and proudly, pausing only to comment on how impressive the binder itself was. When a paper clip resisted his grip, Trump paused the conference to narrate the encounter in detail, assuring the room he would not have shown pain even if his finger had fallen off.

As minutes turned into hours, reporters gave up on asking questions and simply stared forward, waiting for the monologue to burn itself out.

By the end of the event, Trump had successfully reasserted one undeniable truth: once he starts talking about himself, the world simply has to sit there and take it.