RFK Jr. Defends Health Credentials with Support from Chiropractors, Conspiracy Theorists, and a Dude Named Chad

PROVIDENCE — In a bold flex of confidence, RFK Jr. submitted a letter to the Senate this week backing his nomination to run the nation’s health department—signed by chiropractors, suspended doctors, wellness shamans, and one guy named Chad who claims he “cured migraines with raw honey and Joe Rogan.”

The letter, headlined Doctors for Robert F. Kennedy Jr., was meant to show widespread medical support. Instead, it read like the guest list of a telehealth scam seminar. Among the 800 names: at least ten doctors whose licenses were revoked “for doing RFK Jr.–type stuff,” including promoting vitamin IVs as a COVID cure and issuing vaccine waivers based on auras.

One backer, Dr. Simone Gold, best known for hawking dubious supplements as ‘miracle cures’, stated, “I support RFK Jr. because sometimes science needs a little… creative thinking.”

Another signer, listed simply as “Trevor, certified in Shadow Work and Cold Plunges,” told reporters he believes Kennedy “operates at a higher frequency of consciousness” and should be confirmed “before Mercury retrograde starts.”

Asked how these signatures prove medical credibility, a Kennedy spokesperson said, “It’s about holistic truths. Sure, some of them lost their licenses—but only because the system wasn’t ready for their truth lasers.”

Senator Bill Cassidy, an actual physician, stared at the letter for twenty minutes before muttering, “This man needs serious help…”