Trump’s Project 2025 Execution Leaves America Wondering If He’s Actually Running White House or Speed-Running a Video Game

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Less than a month into his second term, President Donald Trump appears to be speed-running the United States government—blowing through Project 2025 objectives like a Twitch-streamer on a Mountain Dew bender.

Despite repeatedly claiming on the campaign trail that he had “never even heard of” Project 2025, Trump has already hit a number of major milestones from the Heritage Foundation’s hard-right policy. His explanation? “I don’t know what that is. I’m just signing orders and good things are happening.”

The Department of Education was effectively soft-deleted by Day 10. By Day 15, abortion pill access had been nerfed in three federal circuits. By Day 22, the IRS was urged to speed-tax Harvard’s endowment “until the funding board rage-quits.”

Sources say Trump’s inner circle has even started referring to his presidency as a “Cheat-Code Constitutional Run,” speeding through the game as fast as possible without collecting optional items like ‘oversight’ or ‘public consent.’

When asked how he’s achieving all this without ever reading the plan, Trump shrugged. “I don’t need a walkthrough. I’ve got instincts. Also, Russell Vought taped the whole thing to the back of my Diet Coke fridge.”