White House Clarifies: Elon Musk Is Not DOGE Head, Just The Guy Who Decides Which Agencies Get Axed

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House insisted Tuesday that Elon Musk is not running the Department of Government Efficiency, despite overseeing its day-to-day destruction of the federal government.

“Elon is simply advising the president,” said press secretary Karoline Leavitt. “He’s not in charge—he just tells everyone what to do… and which agencies to delete.”

The clarification arrives as several states sue over Musk’s “adviser” role, arguing it’s functionally indistinguishable from “warlord with Wi-Fi.” But the Trump administration insists Musk has no formal authority.

Asked who is running DOGE, Leavitt shrugged and quietly changed the subject to Taylor Swift’s latest Instagram post.

Musk, for his part, continues tweeting phrases like “abolish bureaucracy” and “delete IRS” with the reckless abandon of a man cosplaying SimCity with real lives.

Federal employees are reportedly confused but have begun taping photos of Musk to their computers, “just in case.” “No one’s sure who’s in charge,” claimed one worker, “but it’s best to act grateful anyways.”

At press time, the White House reiterated: “Musk is not the DOGE administrator. He’s just the guy who decides which agencies get axed.”