Lindsey Graham ‘Never Been More Proud’ of Trump for Yelling at Wartime Ally Until He Looked Sad

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Republicans lined up this weekend to praise President Trump’s Oval Office takedown of Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, where the wartime leader was berated on live TV for not saying “thank you” hard enough.

Senator Lindsey Graham called the outburst “presidential, biblical, and frankly therapeutic,” adding, “I’ve never been more proud of Trump. I’ve always said international diplomacy works best when someone leaves crying.”

Speaker Mike Johnson applauded Trump for “putting America first by humiliating that weak guy begging us for weapons,” while Secretary of State Marco Rubio took to social media to thank Trump “for standing up to ungrateful foreign men with accents.”

Even Republicans who once championed Ukraine’s cause swiftly recalibrated. Vice President J.D. Vance, who co-starred in the verbal beatdown, said Zelenskyy’s biggest failing was “talking too much about missiles and not enough about manners.” Senator Josh Hawley added that Ukraine had “too many feelings, not enough receipts.”

When asked why GOP lawmakers who once praised Zelenskyy as a hero were now backing Trump’s school-bully approach to diplomacy, one aide simply shrugged: “He raised his voice. That’s dominance. We respect dominance.”

Meanwhile, Zelenskyy returned to Kyiv empty-handed, while Republicans back in Washington debated whether he should apologize to Trump, to America, or both—ideally in writing, and possibly shirtless.

As of press time, Senator Tom Cotton was reportedly drafting a resolution commending Trump for “humbling foreign freeloaders,” and encouraging future summits to be held in front of a live studio audience.