Trump Defends Student Arrests: “The First Amendment Doesn’t Cover Opinions That Suck”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After facing backlash over the arrest of a Columbia grad student involved in pro-Palestinian protests, President Trump reminded Americans that the First Amendment has “limits,” particularly when it comes to “dumb, loser opinions that bring the mood down.”

“I’m the biggest supporter of free speech in history,” Trump told reporters. “But not all speech. Some speech is bad. Very negative energy. Founders never said you could just say whatever and not get deported.”

When pressed on what qualifies as protected speech under his administration, Trump offered a brief list: “USA chants, compliments for me, anything that owns the libs… country music too, so long as it’s patriotic.”

White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt confirmed the administration’s updated understanding of the First Amendment, now defined as “the right to speak freely, provided that speech aligns with broad American values and doesn’t make the president grumpy.”

Meanwhile, Trump proposed a solution for college unrest: assigning government-appointed “speech advisors” to help students rephrase their protests into “more constructive compliments.”

“Say whatever you want,” Trump reiterated. “But if it sucks, we’re gonna help you workshop it. And maybe throw you in a van while we’re at it. Who can say?”

He ended the press conference by pointing to a MAGA hat and saying, “This hat? Still legal. That should tell you everything you need to know about freedom in America.”