Cabinet Meeting or North Korean-Style Loyalty Ritual? Even Ann Coulter Can’t Tell Anymore

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The line between governing and worship blurred into oblivion this week as President Trump’s Cabinet spent over two hours praising him with such intensity that even Ann Coulter momentarily rediscovered shame.

“Would it be possible to have a cabinet meeting without the Kim Jong-il–style tributes?” Coulter asked on X, before presumably checking herself into a sensory deprivation tank to process what she’d just witnessed.

Vice President JD Vance set the tone by declaring that most presidents lining the Oval Office walls—Washington, Madison, Lincoln—were “just placeholders” compared to Trump.

Attorney General Pam Bondi followed by crediting Trump with saving 258 million lives—a number just slightly shy of the entire U.S. population—thanks to his crackdown on fentanyl.

Secretary of State Marco Rubio rounded out the session with a numerically satisfying claim: “Forty-seven hostages rescued by the 47th president.” A list of those freed was not provided, but officials insist it definitely happened.

“I’ve had a lot of incredible days,” Trump told reporters afterward. “But having this many people thank me for saving the world? It might be the best day of my life.”