White House Celebrates Historic $1B Debt Forgiveness — For Convicted Fraudsters Only

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Calling it “the greatest act of mercy since Jesus,” President Trump celebrated wiping out over $1 billion in debt owed by numerous white-collar criminals he’d already pardoned this year.

“Fraudsters are some of our most creative Americans,” Trump said at the ceremony, flanked by pardoned hedge-fund managers holding commemorative “Get Out of Jail Free” plaques. “They built companies. They built electric cars. Okay, sometimes they stole the money and didn’t build anything. But they dreamed big…”

The mass pardons erased restitution for dozens of wealthy offenders, including crypto execs, corporate grifters, and a Nevada politician who pocketed statue funds. Meanwhile, the Department of Education confirmed it will resume full student loan collections in June, calling the approach “justice with priorities.”

“We’re rewarding American ingenuity,” Trump added. “These people scammed millions—and it took courage. Lots of courage. That’s something most people don’t have quite frankly.”

Critics called the decision “cartoonishly corrupt,” but administration officials insisted the move would “inspire a new generation of Americans to defraud boldly.”

“Steal big,” Trump concluded, “and America forgives. Never forget that.”