Trump Breaks Isolationist Streak the Second He Sees Gold Domes, Arabian Stallions, and Oil Money

DOHA — After a year of campaigning on “America First” and scorning foreign entanglements, President Donald Trump dropped the act this week the moment he was greeted with gold domes, Arabian stallions, and enough oil money to make Mar-a-Lago look modest.

“People say I’m isolationist,” Trump told reporters after handshakes with Saudi and Qatari royalty. “But nobody ever said I couldn’t isolate myself inside a gold palace.”

The four-day tour, which critics are calling “foreign policy by auction,” featured endless parades of Arabian horses, diamond-encrusted dinnerware, and a $400 million luxury jet Trump openly describes as “the best bribe anyone’s ever given me.”

The same president who once called Saudi Arabia a “terror sponsor” now praises it as “a beautiful place with beautiful people.” Meanwhile, allies like Canada and France—who failed to supply gold-plated toilets—remain on Trump’s enemies list.

Pressed on whether this contradicts his isolationist platform, Trump shrugged. “Deals are deals,” he said. “Europe offers me NATO dues; Qatar offers me diamond-encrusted golf tees. Next question.”