South African President Politely Watches Trump’s Propaganda Video, Responds With Legendary Chill

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Oval Office briefly doubled as a propaganda matinee Wednesday when President Donald Trump dimmed the lights and premiered a four-minute video alleging South Africa is in the throes of a “white farmer genocide.”

Across from him, South African President Cyril Ramaphosa sat motionless, radiating an unshakable calm that left reporters wondering if he’d reached diplomatic nirvana.

“Turn the lights down,” Trump announced before the four-minute clip rolled—a compilation of fringe politicians, anti-apartheid chants, and ominous white crosses set to stock funeral music. “Death. Death. Horrible death,” Trump narrated, occasionally gesturing toward the screen like a tour guide at a wax museum.

Ramaphosa, invited to discuss trade, instead sat through the conspiracy screening with the composure of a man waiting for an oil change. “I’d like to know where that is,” he said evenly when the footage ended—a response so calm observers later described it as “legendary chill.”

The cool-headed reaction stunned South Africans who feared the worst going into the meeting. “We thought he was walking into the mouth of Trump hell,” said one Johannesburg resident. “But he walked out like he’d just sat through a routine dental visit. Man’s unshakable.”