Trump Thanks Top $TRUMP Investors for “Believing in Me, Not Your Money”

STERLING — At a gala so drenched in gold it briefly blinded three ethics lawyers, President Donald Trump honored his biggest $TRUMP memecoin investors—congratulating them for “believing in me, not your money,” during a Thursday dinner at his private Virginia golf club.

“Some people invest to make money,” Trump told the room, where attendees had paid millions for the privilege of clapping on command. “But you… you invested because you love me. And you know what? That’s even better than profits. Because profits go away. I don’t.”

The coin, launched in January and now trading well below its debut price, was billed by Trump as “the only cryptocurrency endorsed by a sitting president—and his sons, who are also very handsome.”

Guests dined on wagyu beef and gold-leaf desserts before receiving what aides described as “unprecedented access to federal crimes,” during a VIP White House tour.

Critics likened the gala to “a live-action Ponzi scheme,” noting Trump’s use of the Presidential Seal may violate federal law. Trump dismissed the controversy: “The fake news says it’s illegal, but I say it’s beautiful. These people lost money—but look how happy they are. That’s real winning.”