Trump Condemns ‘Government Waste’ for Months, Then Throws $45 Million Parade With Jets and Marching Band

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After months of railing against “wasteful” government spending, President Donald Trump marked both his 79th birthday and the Army’s 250th with a $45 million extravaganza featuring tanks, fighter jets, and 7,000 marching troops.

The administration, which has spent the year gutting federal jobs and benefits in the name of fiscal discipline, insisted the spectacle was “an investment in freedom.” Trump himself avoided mentioning the price tag, instead declaring America “the hottest country in the world” while saluting a procession of tanks.

Administration officials brushed aside accusations of hypocrisy, insisting that unlike wasteful programs such as food aid or healthcare, a multimillion-dollar parade that doubled as the president’s personal pep rally was “money well spent.”

The White House claimed “over 250,000 patriots” attended the parade, though reporters estimated far fewer—possibly because tens of thousands of protesters across the country were busy chanting “No Kings” and dodging teargas.