Trump Mobile Clarifies: Phones “Assembled Near a Guy Who’s Been to America”

NEW YORK — In a bold rebranding effort, Trump Mobile has clarified that its flagship T-1 phones are not technically “Made in the USA,” but rather “assembled near a guy who’s been to America one time, possibly.”

The guy, reportedly a man named Jun Li, once spent a layover in Dallas-Fort Worth Airport in 2003 and, according to family members, owns a bootleg DVD of Walker, Texas Ranger that he watches “every Fourth of July, out of respect.”

“It’s basically American,” said Trump Mobile spokesman Chris Walker (no relation to the DVD). “Just because we sourced the parts from five countries and assembled them in a warehouse 200 miles outside Shenzhen doesn’t mean there isn’t red, white, and blue coursing through this thing’s lithium battery.”

The “Made in USA” label was quietly dropped after the FTC reminded the Trump family that printing a bald eagle on the box does not count as domestic manufacturing. The updated slogans include “Proudly American,” “American-Proud Design,” and the legally bulletproof “Freedom-Inspired 5G.”

Eric Trump defended the branding pivot on Fox News, saying, “No one’s going to be calling Bangladesh. Our call center is in Missouri—and the hold music is country, not foreign jazz or whatever.”

Trump Mobile’s next model is rumored to feature “47 Gigabytes of Liberty” and come preloaded with Truth Social, three Toby Keith ringtones, and a JPEG of a steak.