Trump Says Epstein Case Is a Democrat Hoax, MAGA Base Enters Existential Crisis

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump launched into a full-scale tirade Wednesday, denouncing renewed interest in the Jeffrey Epstein case as a “total Democrat HOAX” and disowning supporters who keep bringing it up.

“If you’re still talking about Epstein, I don’t want your support. Go cry with the liberals,” Trump wrote on Truth Social, before reportedly chucking a half-eaten Filet-O-Fish across the room.

The about-face has triggered a faith crisis among core MAGA followers, who once believed Trump would personally handcuff every name on the client list the day it came out.

“Wait…he doesn’t want us posting about Epstein anymore?” asked one bewildered supporter. “So… Trump’s deep state now? Is that what this means?”

Trump blamed the alleged hoax on the usual suspects—Obama, Biden, and Comey—before praising Pam Bondi for her “bold, courageous decision to stop looking into it.”

At press time, thousands of MAGA influencers were gathered in a livestream, staring at their phones in silent confusion—waiting for someone to tell them what they believe now.