A.M. Preschool Drop-Off Turns Into ‘GTA: Homeland Security Edition’

BEAVERTON — What began as a routine morning drop-off at a local Montessori school quickly escalated into a real-life cutscene from Grand Theft Auto: Homeland Security Edition, complete with window-smashing, tactical confusion, and traumatized toddlers.

ICE agents detained Mahdi Khanbabazadeh, an Iranian-American chiropractor and father, in front of parents, teachers, and preschoolers after pursuing him into the school parking lot. When he asked to move the arrest away from the school to avoid terrifying children, agents responded with the classic GTA maneuver: smash car window, drag civilian out, mission complete.

“It was like watching someone hit triangle to jack a car,” said one stunned parent. “Except this wasn’t a game, and the people doing it are paid with our taxes.”

ICE defended the arrest as standard protocol under the Trump administration’s new “No Place Is Too Peaceful” directive, which lifted all bans on raids near schools, clinics, or anywhere humans might feel safe.

Officials later confirmed the preschool parking lot is now designated a “low-sensitivity tactical zone,” with plans to add a DHS-branded sandbox.

“Kids need to learn early,” said one ICE spokesperson. “This is America now. Deal with it.”