Speaker Johnson Postpones Epstein Vote: “We All Want Transparency — Just Not Right This Minute”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — House Speaker Mike Johnson announced Tuesday that a vote to release the Epstein files will be postponed until “a more relaxed, less nosy atmosphere,” effectively sending Congress on an early six-week vacation to avoid doing anything suspicious.
“We support truth,” Johnson said at a hastily arranged press conference. “We just think it should be revealed slowly. In stages. Over decades. Perhaps posthumously…”
The move came as Democrats and a few rogue Republicans attempted to bring a binding resolution to the floor. Rather than risk public accountability, Johnson pulled the fire alarm on the legislative week and announced the House would begin its August recess ten days early.
Republican aides insisted the delay is about “timing, not cover-ups,” adding that Johnson simply wants to “let the scandal breathe.”
“This isn’t about shielding anyone,” said Majority Leader Steve Scalise. “It’s about creating space—like how you give a crockpot time to cook. Only this one’s filled with blackmail, billionaires, and maybe a former president or two.”
Insiders say the White House was growing nervous, with Trump allegedly demanding that any documents mentioning “airplane,” “massage,” or “Ivanka” be triple-redacted before release.
“We’ll see you in September,” Johnson concluded, climbing into an SUV with tinted windows. “Unless the public loses interest sooner, which would be ideal.”