Republicans Join Dems to Demand Epstein Files as Capitol Hill Implodes

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a sign of just how bad things must be, three House Republicans crossed party lines Wednesday to vote with Democrats to subpoena the DOJ for the long-awaited Epstein files—prompting chaos on Capitol Hill and panic at Mar-a-Lago.

The vote passed 8–2 after Democrats dared GOP members to prove they weren’t “protecting pedophiles,” a challenge Republicans accepted only after glancing nervously at the nearest camera.

Nancy Mace led the defection, becoming the first Republican in months to voluntarily leave Trump’s protective bubble and step directly into his blast radius.

House leadership tried to spin the chaos as normal legislative business. Mike Johnson insisted there was “no need for the vote” because the Trump administration was “already doing everything within its power to release the files”—a statement widely understood to mean “hiding them in a bunker.”

The White House declined further comment, citing a previously scheduled appointment to remodel the evidence room and install more industrial-grade shredders.

Political analysts say the rare bipartisan vote suggests Washington is bracing for impact. “If Nancy Mace is crossing the aisle,” one expert noted, “that’s either the start of political sanity—or the end of days.”