Liberation Day 2: The Sequel — Trump Reveals New Tariffs, Plot Twist Coming Soon

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Four months after plunging the world into chaos with his so-called “Liberation Day” tariffs, President Donald Trump has released a sequel—this time promising new rates, a few surprise exemptions, and the same cliffhanger ending: stay tuned, this could all change tomorrow.

Under the plan, countries the U.S. runs trade surpluses with will see a 10% import tax, while deficit nations will face rates starting at 15%, climbing up to 40% for what Trump called “the worst freeloaders—very disrespectful countries, frankly.”

Economists warn the move will likely raise prices on everyday goods. The White House shrugged off concerns, claiming Americans “love paying more because it builds character.”

Legal experts note the tariffs may not even be constitutional, but Trump brushed that off as well: “Courts lose, tariffs win… Very simple.”

Markets are bracing for impact, though analysts caution any forecast is meaningless. As one trader put it, “There’s a 50% chance he changes his mind, 30% chance he doubles it, and 20% chance we wake up sanctioned by Canada.”