RFK Jr. Guts Vaccine Research to Prove He’s Smarter Than Nobel Prize Winners

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Declaring that real vaccines should function more like “magical force fields,” Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. announced the cancellation of $500 million in mRNA vaccine research, claiming the technology “fails to block viruses from entering your body like it’s supposed to.”

Public health officials expressed concern, noting that mRNA vaccines are designed to train the immune system to respond to infection, not build a magical shield that repels it on contact.

“If a virus can enter your system, then what’s the point?” Kennedy asked, apparently unaware that the immune system exists inside the body for a reason.

RFK’s decision flies in the face of overwhelming medical consensus, including Nobel Prize–winning research showing that mRNA vaccines significantly reduce the risk of severe illness, hospitalization, and death.

“This is a huge setback,” said one NIH researcher. “He’s canceling the most promising vaccine tech in a generation because it doesn’t function like a bubble shield from Halo.”