Putin Set to Meet Trump in Alaska, Hopes to Walk Away With Parts of Ukraine and Maybe a Few Cabins

ANCHORAGE — Next Friday’s Trump-Putin summit is being billed as a breakthrough for peace, though critics say it’s shaping up to be more of a clearance sale—with Ukraine’s territory on the block and Alaskan cabins as possible “sweeteners” in the deal.

“Of course the main goal is securing Ukrainian territory,” Kremlin adviser Yuri Ushakov told reporters. “But if the right Alaskan cabin comes along, who’s to say no? Putin could use a nice place to decompress after such a long invasion…”

Trump, promoting the meeting as “a huge opportunity for diplomacy,” compared it to the historic Alaska Purchase. “Back then, we got Alaska for seven million bucks. Now, for zero bucks and a few cabins, I could make Putin very happy—and maybe get him to stop shooting things.”

U.S. officials, speaking on condition of anonymity, said Putin’s wish list includes four regions of Ukraine, beachfront access to the Black Sea, and possibly a rustic A-frame with “strong moose potential.”

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy blasted the summit’s guest list, noting it includes “exactly one person who invaded Ukraine and exactly zero people from Ukraine.”

“Negotiations are about give and take,” Trump said Saturday. “Putin gives me compliments, I give whatever Ukraine has left. Maybe a handshake. Maybe a photo of us in front of a cabin. Who knows?”