Trump Extends China Tariff Pause Until Galaxies Stop Forming and Light Itself Retires

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump extended the U.S.–China tariff pause again on Monday, ensuring the trade war’s finale will arrive sometime after the universe’s last photon fades.

The yearlong saga has become less a negotiation and more an endurance test: tariff rates shooting from 10% to 145%, retreating to 30%, spawning niche duties on soybeans, electronics, and anything made with more than two bolts—only to be reconfigured again—and again…

Trump called the extension “a strong move,” while Beijing praised the delay for giving them more time to calibrate rare earth exports. Meanwhile, American companies are now planning their supply chains using the same predictive models NASA uses for asteroid impacts.

The trade war’s core disputes—market access, intellectual property, subsidies—appear frozen in time, orbiting the same diplomatic stalemate they’ve been stuck in since January.

“At this rate, the tariffs will still be paused when the last star burns out,” said one weary analyst.