White House Announces New D.C. Tourism Slogan: “Come for the Monuments, Stay for the Martial Law”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold new rebranding effort, the White House on Wednesday promoted Washington, D.C. as America’s top vacation spot for “military-curious tourists,” unveiling the slogan: “Come for the Monuments, Stay for the Martial Law.”

Officials say the campaign highlights “immersive attractions” unique to the capital’s new look. Visitors can pose for selfies at checkpoints, watch masked ICE agents tear down neighborhood banners, or—if they’re lucky—catch a live demonstration of an armored National Guard vehicle flattening a civilian SUV.

Vice President J.D. Vance, who debuted the slogan at a Shake Shack while being booed by locals, insisted the crackdown adds “character” to the city’s historic sites. “It’s like Rome, but with more checkpoints,” Vance noted.

The administration is pitching the rebrand to international tourists as well. Brochures highlight nightly “pot-and-pan symphonies” from angry residents, plus exclusive opportunities to be frisked at the National Mall by three different federal agencies at once.

“Other countries just don’t deliver this kind of adrenaline,” Trump boasted online. “They have beaches, castles, and cathedrals—we have tanks. That’s called American greatness.”

Bookings remain sluggish, though Marriott has reportedly begun advertising “Guard-side suites” for adventurous guests.