Trump Tariffs Head to Supreme Court, Where Constitution Competes With Loyalty

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Having been smacked down by every lower court, Donald Trump’s tariffs are now headed to the Supreme Court, where justices will attempt the nearly impossible: making “obviously unconstitutional” sound legally airtight.

Every lower court that touched the tariffs declared them illegal, but the high court—now packed with Trump appointees and admirers—must either uphold that consensus or invent a constitutional loophole to let Trump have his way.

“They’re in a corner,” said one constitutional scholar. “Either admit Trump overstepped, or write an opinion so flimsy it’ll be skewered in law schools for decades.”

Legal experts say the justices may lean on creative new interpretations, such as declaring America’s 49 straight years of trade deficits an “unusual and extraordinary threat.” Some clerks have reportedly been instructed to scour Karoline Leavitt’s press releases for “solid legal precedent.”

The Court will hear arguments this fall. Between now and then, observers expect a steady stream of twisted legal logic—and perhaps the debut of America’s first Supreme Court opinion citing Hannity more than the Constitution.