Trump Slashes Rural Housing Funds, Promises Base Will “Own the Libs” While Renting Forever

JONESBOROUGH — President Donald Trump has unveiled his bold new plan for rural America: keep them permanently renting while assuring them they’re “totally owning the libs.”

The proposal scraps the decades-old HOME Investment Partnerships Program, which has helped more than half a million families in rural Trump country build or buy modest homes. Instead, Trump told supporters they should embrace “how nice landlords are” and consider sleeping in trucks or barns if the rent gets too high.

Trump also suggested his base could try the “classic pioneer lifestyle,” which he defined as “digging a hole and calling it a bathroom.”

The irony is staggering: 84% of homes built under the program were in districts that voted for Trump. Yet many supporters insist they aren’t worried. “Sure, I’ll never afford my own place,” said one Tennessee waitress. “But at least some liberal in New York might be mad about it.”

In places like eastern Kentucky, entire towns were built with help from the grant. Now residents face the prospect of losing the very program that kept their communities afloat. “It’s almost like he doesn’t care about us at all,” muttered one local… “but I’m sure he does.”