Newsmax and Fox News Enter Legal Battle Over Who Gets to Mislead America More Efficiently

NEW YORK — America’s two loudest Trump megaphones are headed to court, with Newsmax suing Fox News for “unfairly cornering the market” on bullshit. The lawsuit alleges Fox has used its dominance to hog the nation’s propaganda supply, leaving Newsmax struggling to brainwash viewers at scale.

“Fox has been monopolizing the right to confuse, distract, and enrage millions of Americans,” Newsmax CEO Christopher Ruddy declared. “All we want is our slice of the hysteria pie.”

Fox fired back, claiming decades of deception give it exclusive rights to misinform the public. “We’ve been misleading viewers since before Newsmax even existed,” a Fox lawyer argued. “We are simply better at it.”

The judge, reportedly fighting the urge to nap, threatened to sanction both networks for fraudulently calling themselves “news.” Court observers report the judge repeatedly asked if either side could cite a single fact, only to be met with dueling PowerPoints titled Why We Lie Better.

Trump himself is expected to weigh in, with analysts predicting the verdict may ultimately hinge on which network praises his golf game most convincingly.