U.S. Warns Iran: “You Will Never Taste the Free Samples at Costco”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold escalation of international pressure, the Trump administration has unveiled its latest strategy to punish Iran: banning its diplomats from the hallowed aisles of Costco.

According to officials, the move is designed to “send a clear message” that America’s bulk discounts and legendary $1.50 hot dog combo are “a privilege, not a right.”

“Let them buy snacks at full price like the rest of the civilized world,” a senior State Department source declared. “They will never taste our free microwaved bagel-dogs—not while Donald J. Trump is president.”

Critics questioned the practicality of the ban, noting that Iran’s nuclear ambitions are unlikely to be thwarted by denying delegates access to Costco. But Trump defended the move, boasting that no world leader has ever been so tough on “rogue nations trying to hoard American goods.”

Iranian diplomats reportedly expressed dismay, saying Costco trips were the highlight of their heavily restricted New York visits. “We never cared about sanctions,” one delegate sighed. “But the samples… they reminded us of freedom.”