Kennedy Center Audience Disappears, Trump Brags: “Nobody Has Killed the Arts Like I Have”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Kennedy Center, once a crown jewel of American culture, is now playing to cavernous rooms of empty seats—and Donald Trump couldn’t be more proud.

“The woke arts are gone, people. Totally gone,” Trump said, gesturing toward a photo of near-empty balconies. “Nobody wanted to see Swan Lake anymore—very boring. Now they don’t see anything. Tremendous improvement. Nobody has killed the arts like I have.”

Since Trump installed himself as chairman earlier this year, subscriptions have fallen by half and upcoming ballet and opera performances are projected to play at under 20% capacity. What critics call a cultural collapse, Trump calls a political achievement.

“People said you can’t kill the arts,” Trump boasted. “Well, guess what? I killed them. No one’s clapping, no one’s crying, no one’s pretending to like French musicals—just like it should be.”

Not everyone agrees. “The Kennedy Center was built to uplift expression and bring people together,” said one longtime patron. “To watch it reduced to a political prop is heartbreaking.”

Asked about people mourning the Kennedy Center’s decline, Trump rolled his eyes. “They’re crying because the arts are gone? Give me a break. Nobody liked that stuff. It was all fake, all woke. Now it’s finished—and I finished it. That’s called winning.”