No Suspect, No Motive, No Problem: Trump Blames ‘Radical Left’ in Record Time

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Barely hours after Charlie Kirk was shot at a Utah Valley University event, President Donald Trump had already named the culprit: “the radical left.”

“For years, those on the radical left have compared wonderful Americans like Charlie to Nazis and the world’s worst mass murderers,” Trump said in a video statement Wednesday night. “This kind of rhetoric is directly responsible for the terrorism that we’re seeing in our country today, and it must stop right now.”

Investigators, still piecing together what happened, noted that the shooter hadn’t yet been identified, much less questioned. That didn’t stop Trump allies from joining the chorus. Rep. Nancy Mace scolded reporters, “Some raging leftist lunatic put a bullet through Kirk’s neck, and you want to talk about Republicans right now? No. No, not at all… the Democrats own this.” Rep. Anna Paulina Luna posted, “EVERY DAMN ONE OF YOU WHO CALLED US FASCISTS DID THIS,” while Elon Musk declared flatly, “The Left is the party of murder.”

Law enforcement officials, meanwhile, asked the public for patience while they gathered basic facts like “who did it” and “why.” But to some on the right, those details seemed like bureaucratic red tape standing between grief and a ready-made villain.

“Officials say the motive is unknown,” one Democratic aide sighed. “But apparently the president’s gut can process evidence faster than an entire homicide unit…”