GOP Rep Vows To Use Bible, Constitution, and DMV To Punish Kirk Haters

LAFAYETTE — Louisiana Republican Clay Higgins, once a proud crusader for free expression, announced Thursday that he’ll be using “every ounce of Congressional authority” to stamp out anyone who voiced critiques of Charlie Kirk after his assassination.

In a sprawling social-media post, Higgins pledged “immediate bans for life” on every profile that “belittled” Kirk, plus the loss of business permits, school access, and driving privileges. “I will cancel with extreme prejudice these evil, sick animals,” he wrote, promising to lean on Big Tech and “every level of government” to make it happen.

After listing his punishments Higgins described arming himself with “a Bible, a Constitution, and a clipboard from the DMV” to finish the job—a flourish that seemed to confirm his pivot from free-speech crusader to free-speech cop.

Critics noted that Higgins himself has posted colorful thoughts—like calling Haiti “the nastiest country in the hemisphere,” or joking about the hammer attack on Paul Pelosi. Under his own plan, Higgins would already be exiled from the internet and possibly required to carpool with the very people he wants to punish.

“Freedom of speech is sacred,” Higgins said Thursday, “unless you’re being disrespectful to my friends—in which case, please hand over your driver’s license and maybe your keyboard.”