After Years of Disappointment, Schumer Finally Makes Democrats Proud by Pissing Off Trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After nearly a decade of underwhelming leadership, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer finally achieved the impossible this weekend: he made Democrats feel something other than despair.

The breakthrough came after Schumer blocked a last-minute push to confirm Donald Trump’s nominees before the August recess, prompting Trump to fire off an all-caps “GO TO HELL!” on Truth Social—a sign, analysts say, that Schumer might have accidentally done something right.

Democratic voters, long numbed to Schumer’s signature brand of “please clap” politics, cautiously celebrated the moment. “He’s still Schumer,” one strategist admitted. “But for the first time in eight years, I didn’t want to throw my phone across the room when he spoke. That’s historic.”

Schumer himself seemed stunned by the reaction. “I’ve been disappointing my base since 2017,” he admitted. “If all it takes to win them back is mildly inconveniencing Trump, I may try it again sometime.”

Trump, meanwhile, assured supporters he remains unbothered. “I don’t care about Schumer at all,” he insisted. “Nobody cares about Schumer. Nobody. Total loser. Go to hell, Chuck!”