Bondi’s Month of Silence Officially Erases Epstein From History, MAGA Says

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After vanishing from TV cameras for nearly a month, Attorney General Pam Bondi triumphantly returned this week, pretending that the Epstein scandal no longer exists, thanks to her brave refusal to speak about it.

Conservative allies insist Bondi’s Epstein debacle is “totally over now,” claiming her strategic silence has permanently erased both the controversy and Epstein himself from the national memory. “She made it through. She’s going to be fine,” one insider told reporters, apparently under the impression that controversies dissolve if you ignore them like an unpaid Comcast bill.

Bondi, who once appeared on Fox News more often than MyPillow ads, vanished from TV for thirty days in what officials privately called a “highly courageous act of cowardice.” The strategy, according to aides, was based on the belief that if Bondi just stopped talking, the American people would stop remembering.

Recent Fox interviews with Bondi carefully avoided the words “Epstein,” “files,” or “basic accountability.” Instead, Bondi focused on safer topics like fentanyl and how cool it is that Trump now controls D.C.’s police force.

Yet looming subpoenas suggest the scandal remains slightly less “over” than advertised. With Congress returning in September, House committees are reportedly eager to resume asking Bondi uncomfortable questions—which could require her to take even braver action, such as disappearing until 2026.