Democrats Clarify They’re Not “Doing Nothing,” They’re “Strategically Waiting”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following Illinois Governor JB Pritzker’s blistering critique of so-called “do-nothing Democrats,” party leaders have issued a joint clarification: they’re not doing nothing—they’re “strategically waiting for the right moment to begin cautiously brainstorming a response.”

“Our critics forget that silence is also a form of leadership,” said a statement from the DNC. “Sometimes the boldest move is to simply… observe.”

Pritzker’s speech, which branded the party’s inertia as a moral failure, reportedly left some top Democrats “shaken” and “concerned it might alienate brunch donors.”

“We understand the urgency,” said one Senate staffer. “But with today’s climate, speaking out could make us trend for the wrong reasons. Have you seen what happened to Beto after he yelled just once?”

As Trump continues arresting judges and defunding everything, Democratic leaders are doubling down on their patience-first policy. “We’ll act decisively the moment our poll-tested language has been approved by three focus groups in Delaware,” one consultant promised.

Until then, the party remains united in its message: “Now is not the time to panic—now is the time to prove how calm and electable we can look under any circumstances.”