JD Vance to Europe: ‘Let Your Nazis Cook’

MUNICH — In a bold transatlantic speech that historians are already calling “cursed,” Vice President JD Vance urged European leaders to “drop the whole ‘never again’ thing” and give far-right extremists another chance to thrive in polite society.

“There’s no room for firewalls,” Vance declared, referring to Germany’s longstanding policy of not forming coalitions with parties openly nostalgic for fascism. “Democracy means everyone gets a seat at the table—especially the guy carving swastikas into it.”

The speech, delivered at the Munich Security Conference, came just hours before Vance met privately with Alice Weidel, co-leader of the Alternative for Germany party—a group known for opposing immigration, climate policy, and what it calls “the tyranny of remembering the past.”

Vance, visibly moved by Weidel’s platform of historical amnesia, praised her as “a true free speech warrior” before gifting her a complimentary Truth Social premium account and a signed copy of Mein Kampf: The Unedited Vision.

Critics across Europe quickly condemned Vance’s comments. German Defense Minister Boris Pistorius described them as “unacceptable,” while Norwegian officials simply handed Vance a DVD copy of Downfall and whispered “watch the whole thing.”

Still, Vance stood firm: “If a democracy can’t survive a little light authoritarianism, was it ever really free?” he asked, before comparing modern European politics to “an HOA where only non-fascists get to decorate for the holidays.”

At press time, Vance had reportedly requested a meeting with Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orbán “to network with some of Europe’s most promising authoritarian startups.”