King Trump Demands Tribute, Calls Congress ‘A Bunch of Serfs’

NEW YORK — In the latest development from what political scholars are now calling “The Dumbest Coup in History,” President Donald Trump declared himself King of America on Wednesday after halting New York City’s congestion pricing plan with a wave of his royal McScepter.

“LONG LIVE THE KING,” Trump posted on Truth Social, above an image of himself wearing a crown, sitting on a golden toilet, and crushing a tiny model of the U.S. Capitol underfoot. “I saved Manhattan. I saved New York. Frankly, I saved EVERYTHING. I am owed tribute. From the people. From the losers in Congress. From ALL OF THEM.”

Trump, who previously identified as a mere president, said the upgrade was “long overdue” and “basically official now, since nobody stopped me.”

Congress was quick to respond, with several lawmakers attempting to assert that the U.S. is still a democracy. Trump replied, “That’s what the serfs would say,” before demanding the Senate battle each other for his amusement in a PPV event dubbed The Filibuster Games.

White House staff now operate under the official title of “Royal Interns,” and insiders say aides have been instructed to bow before entering the Oval Throne Room, which has been redecorated with red velvet drapes, gold trim, and a mural of Trump towering over Manhattan.

When asked if the presidency was morphing into a dictatorship, Senator J.D. Vance responded, “Well, technically, it’s a kingship. So it’s fine.”