Mass Tesla Protest Fails to Dampen Musk’s Spirits: “Nothing Says Success Like 277 Angry Mobs”

PALO ALTO — Following the largest anti-Tesla protest to date, Elon Musk reassured investors and fans that Saturday’s 277-location demonstration was “exactly the kind of disruption you want to see in a thriving company.”

“When was the last time anyone protested a boring brand?” Musk asked during an internal livestream from Tesla HQ, standing in front of a whiteboard titled Haters = Engagement. “You don’t protest mediocrity. You protest greatness.”

Tesla executives echoed the sentiment, noting that showroom attendance was “technically up,” if you include the mobs outside. A spokesperson said the company is already testing a “Tesla Protest Tracker” app, which would let users locate the nearest angry crowd in real time.

“Some people are only seeing the bad chants and the pixelated posters,” Musk added. “I see community. Passion. A vibrant Teslaverse.”

Company spokespeople insisted the protests were “energizing,” noting a sharp uptick in media mentions. Musk also teased a potential special-edition “Model P” with reinforced windows and pre-applied bumper stickers that read “I’m Just the Driver.”

At press time, Musk reminded followers on X: “The best companies face the biggest mobs. Exxon, Amazon, Monsanto… we’re in good company.”