Musk Quietly Becomes Unaccountable Ruler of Federal Government While Everyone Was Arguing on Reddit

WASHINGTON, D.C. — While Elon Musk was busy installing his private army of DOGE operatives across federal agencies, shutting down humanitarian aid, and gaining access to the U.S. Treasury’s payment system, America’s liberals were locked in a 900-comment Reddit thread debating whether Kamala’s laugh was “too rehearsed” or “convincingly genuine.”

In just two weeks, Musk transformed the government into what he calls a “lean innovation organism.” The Department of Education has been archived. USAID was shut down after Musk described it as “emotionally draining.” And the Office of Personnel Management has been “upgraded” with AI trained on Ayn Rand audiobooks.

“We’ve optimized the government for speed,” Musk said from a beanbag in the West Wing. “And by speed, I mean removing slow things, like ethics.”

“He’s dismantling democracy like it’s a rusted old Tesla,” said one career civil servant, moments before being logged out of their own employment records by someone named “Liberty69” from DOGE HQ.

Meanwhile, Democratic leadership vowed to respond forcefully. “We are drafting a sternly worded coalition letter,” announced Sen. Chris Van Hollen, “and we hope to submit it by early Q2.”

On Reddit, users in r/politics celebrated the move with 23,000 upvotes on a post titled: This is why we should’ve voted for Cornel West, you neoliberal cowards.