National Security Decisions Now Filtered Through Laura Loomer’s X Account

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Intelligence officials confirmed Tuesday that all U.S. national security matters are now routed through Laura Loomer’s X account, with the far-right influencer serving as the final arbiter of loyalty to Donald Trump.

On X, Loomer bragged that she personally got an intelligence oversight meeting canceled, accusing two officials of “gross insubordination.” Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth reportedly checked his phone, saw Loomer’s post, and immediately called off the gathering.

“We’ve streamlined the chain of command,” said one Pentagon aide. “The President, the Joint Chiefs, and then Laura’s X notifications. If she likes it, it’s policy. If she ratio’s it, it’s treason—to Trump, mostly.”

The change marks the third time this year Loomer has reshaped the upper levels of government by simply posting online. Earlier, she claimed credit for ousting two NSA leaders, and last month she single-handedly redirected the Pentagon lunch order from Subway to Jimmy John’s.

Senator Mark Warner of Virginia warned the system is “insane” and undermines civilian oversight, but Loomer quickly replied, “CIVILIAN OVERSIGHT IS BETA. LOOMER OVERSIGHT IS ALPHA.” Her post received 27,000 likes and one reply from Hegseth: “So true, queen.”

Administration insiders now refer to her as “Madam Shadow Secretary.” Even Hegseth himself has started signing memos with the phrase: “Awaiting Loomer’s approval.”