Navy Admiral Fired for Supporting Women’s Equality: “We Can’t Have Empathy on a Warship,” Says Hegseth

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Vice Admiral Shoshana Chatfield was abruptly dismissed this weekend after the Trump administration deemed her “philosophically unfit for war” due to past support for equality, inclusion, and other “non-lethal distractions.”

“She spoke at a diversity summit and thinks women should be empowered,” said Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth. “That kind of radical softness threatens the hard steel resolve we need to vaporize enemy boats.”

Chatfield, a Navy pilot with deployments across the Pacific and Persian Gulf, was the only woman on NATO’s military committee. But according to Hegseth, her biggest failure wasn’t tactical—it was “posting LinkedIn content with an inclusive tone.”

The Pentagon said the firing was necessary to “recenter the military around lethality,” adding that compassion has no place in a NATO committee unless it’s being used to lure an enemy into a false sense of security.

“She said ‘diversity is our strength,’” Hegseth told reporters. “In this administration, that’s practically a confession.”

At press time, Navy officers were seen repainting the hulls of destroyers to read “NO FEELINGS ONBOARD,” part of a new initiative to make the fleet more emotionally bulletproof.