New NATO Protocol Requires Every Meeting Start with 5-Minute Compliment Circle for Trump

BRUSSELS — In a landmark shift in international diplomacy, NATO has officially adopted a new procedural rule requiring all summits to begin with a five-minute compliment circle dedicated exclusively to U.S. President Donald Trump.

The change, quietly added to the alliance charter under Article S (“Sycophancy”), was approved unanimously—under what one official called “emotional duress.”

“Look, if telling him his hairline looks great keeps him from rage-tweeting nuclear threats, we’ll all take turns,” said one NATO diplomat.

At this week’s gathering in The Hague, world leaders dutifully took their places around the Compliment Table, where each offered their daily praise in clockwise order:

“You have the most commanding presence in any room, even virtually,” said German Chancellor Annalena Baerbock.
“You’re the reason peace exists,” said Canadian PM Mark Carney, holding back visible internal bleeding.
Trump reportedly nodded solemnly, then responded: “True.”

According to leaked documents, skipping or half-assing a compliment now carries steep penalties, including retaliatory tariffs, a rude Truth Social post, or being forced to sit next to Trump during lunch.

Critics call the new protocol degrading. Supporters say it’s the only proven method of “Trump Management”—a form of diplomatic crisis prevention where international relations hinge on treating the U.S. president like a slightly unhinged prom king.

“It’s not diplomacy anymore,” said one exhausted European official. “It’s customer service with nukes.”