New X Tool Reveals MAGA’s ‘Silent Majority’ Was Mostly Just Europeans Yelling At America From Abroad

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Right-wing X experienced a mass identity crisis this weekend after the platform’s new “about this account” feature revealed that many of the movement’s loudest “MAGA patriots” were actually Europeans aggressively role-playing as angry Midwestern uncles.

“I’m just… confused,” said one MAGA user who’d spent years taking marching orders from a supposedly Ohio-based patriot account. “He talked about grilling constantly. Europe doesn’t even have grills, right?”

Moments later he delivered a quote now echoing across the internet: “I’ve been pledging allegiance to a dude in Europe for five years…”

Another devastated conservative said she felt “personally betrayed” after learning her favorite “Arizona rancher” was posting from Moscow. “He complained about ‘woke culture’ every single day,” she added. “Why would a Russian even know what that is?”

Tech experts responded with the weary numbness of people who warned everyone ten years ago. “The foreign influence was obvious,” said one analyst. “But MAGA sees a bald eagle avatar and immediately thinks, ‘Yep, that’s one of us.’”

As MAGA users continue to process the news, many have vowed to only follow accounts that can prove they’ve been inside a Cracker Barrel at least once. “Look, if they can’t name three items from the Cracker Barrel gift shop, they’re probably European,” one user noted. “That’s just common sense.”