Trump Says Giuliani Deserves Medal of Freedom for “Bravely Taking Honda HR-V Hit Like a Champion” September 1, 2025September 30, 2025
Trump Slashes Rural Housing Funds, Promises Base Will “Own the Libs” While Renting Forever August 31, 2025September 20, 2025
Program That Might’ve Stopped School Shooter Was Deemed a “Woke, Partisan Agenda” by DHS August 30, 2025September 20, 2025
Trump Tariffs Head to Supreme Court, Where Constitution Competes With Loyalty August 29, 2025September 20, 2025
Ashli Babbitt’s Family Scores $5 Million and Full Military Funeral Honors; Netflix Eyeing Limited Series Deal August 28, 2025September 30, 2025
Experts Warn Trump’s ‘Vigilante Portal’ Could Let Proud Boys, Oath Keepers, and Your Uncle Gary Enforce Federal Law August 27, 2025September 30, 2025
National Guard Deployed to Crush Crime in D.C., Heroically Crush Empty Soda Cans Instead August 26, 2025September 30, 2025
Pritzker Tells Trump to Back Off Chicago, Trump Says “That’s What They All Say at First” August 25, 2025September 20, 2025
Justice by Blackmail: Plead Guilty or Pack for Uganda, Abrego-Garcia Warned August 23, 2025September 20, 2025
Bondi’s Month of Silence Officially Erases Epstein From History, MAGA Says August 21, 2025September 20, 2025
White House Announces New D.C. Tourism Slogan: “Come for the Monuments, Stay for the Martial Law” August 20, 2025September 19, 2025
Immigrants to Face ‘Anti-American’ Test: Failure Includes Watching Soccer or Saying Healthcare Should Be Affordable August 19, 2025September 19, 2025
Russia-Ukraine War Nearly Solved by Fashion Choice and Flirty Banter August 18, 2025September 19, 2025
Critically Ill Children Denied U.S. Care After Laura Loomer Gets Mad Online August 17, 2025September 19, 2025
Ukraine Left Out in Cold as Trump Basks in Warm Glow of Camera Flashes August 16, 2025September 19, 2025
GOP Furious Newsom Letting Voters Approve Gerrymander Instead of Skipping Them Like Texas August 15, 2025September 19, 2025
Homeless Evicted for Violating Trump’s ‘No Poor People in My Periphery’ Rule August 14, 2025September 19, 2025
Felony Sandwich Attack Prompts National Guard to Secure All D.C. Delis August 13, 2025September 30, 2025
Trump Extends China Tariff Pause Until Galaxies Stop Forming and Light Itself Retires August 12, 2025September 19, 2025
Bondi Allegedly Mainlines Horse Tranquilizers to Make It Through Trump’s D.C. Takeover Speech August 11, 2025September 19, 2025
“Big Balls” Carjacking Latest Excuse for Trump to Live Out Dictator Cosplay in the Capital August 10, 2025September 19, 2025
Putin Set to Meet Trump in Alaska, Hopes to Walk Away With Parts of Ukraine and Maybe a Few Cabins August 9, 2025September 19, 2025
Hegseth’s Pastor Wants Women Out of Voting Booths, Back in Kitchens — the Way the Bible Intended August 8, 2025September 19, 2025
Heritage Foundation Goon Uses Giant Cartoon Charts to Defend Economy, Trump Points and Says “See? That’s Good!” August 7, 2025September 19, 2025
RFK Jr. Guts Vaccine Research to Prove He’s Smarter Than Nobel Prize Winners August 6, 2025September 19, 2025
Nebraska GOP Rep Booed for 90 Straight Minutes, Sets New Town Hall Record August 5, 2025September 30, 2025
Texas Republicans Vote to Arrest Democrats for Not Letting Them Cheat Fast Enough August 4, 2025September 18, 2025
Trump Orders Texas to “Make Map Great Again,” Demands Five New GOP Seats and Optional Whataburger District August 3, 2025September 18, 2025
After Years of Disappointment, Schumer Finally Makes Democrats Proud by Pissing Off Trump August 2, 2025September 18, 2025
Trump Fires Statistician for Accurate Jobs Report, Demands New Numbers That “Feel Nicer” August 1, 2025September 18, 2025
Liberation Day 2: The Sequel — Trump Reveals New Tariffs, Plot Twist Coming Soon July 31, 2025September 18, 2025
Uncle Sam Wants YOU to Ruin Families for Cash: $50K Bonus for ICE Recruits Announced July 30, 2025September 30, 2025
Emil Bove, Who Urged Trump to Defy Court Orders, Now Gets to Issue Them Forever July 29, 2025September 18, 2025
Judge Refuses to “Be the Warden” of Alligator Alcatraz, Which Is Good Because Nobody Else Seems to Be Either July 28, 2025September 18, 2025
Obama Responds to Treason Claim: “This Is So Stupid I Can’t Believe I Have to Even Respond” July 26, 2025September 18, 2025
Trump Says Scotland Golf Trip Good for America: “You People Should Be Proud I’m This Luxurious” July 25, 2025September 18, 2025
Woke AI Order Confuses Tech Firms: “How Do We Prove a Bot Hates Pronouns?” July 24, 2025September 18, 2025
