Republicans Join Dems to Demand Epstein Files as Capitol Hill Implodes July 23, 2025September 18, 2025
Speaker Johnson Postpones Epstein Vote: “We All Want Transparency — Just Not Right This Minute” July 22, 2025September 18, 2025
MTG Sounds Alarm: “If Trump Doesn’t Deliver Epstein’s Soul, the Base Might Flip” July 21, 2025September 18, 2025
Trump Slaps $10B Lawsuit on Wall Street Journal, Claims Epstein Letter Is “Deepfake from Hell” July 18, 2025September 17, 2025
Army Vet Arrested in ICE Raid Was “Too Brown to Trust” Claims DHS Spokesperson July 17, 2025September 30, 2025
Trump Says Epstein Case Is a Democrat Hoax, MAGA Base Enters Existential Crisis July 16, 2025September 17, 2025
Bondi Says Epstein Case Is Closed: “Now If You’ll Excuse Me, I’d Like to Talk About These Cucumbers Full of Meth” July 15, 2025September 30, 2025
Trump’s Epstein Post Short-Circuits MAGA Hive Mind: “We Are Experiencing Cognitive Dissonance — Please Stand By” July 14, 2025September 17, 2025
Trump Invades Chelsea’s Trophy Ceremony, Calls It “A Historic Anglo-American Victory” July 13, 2025September 17, 2025
71% of ICE Detainees Have No Criminal Record, GOP Pushes Back: “No Green Card? That’s Criminal Enough” July 12, 2025September 17, 2025
“I Gave Up My Podcast for This?” Bongino Reportedly Regrets Leaving Conspiracy Gig for Trump’s FBI July 11, 2025September 17, 2025
World Leaders Compete to Nominate Trump for Nobel Peace Prize in Game Known as “Who Wants Military Aid?” July 10, 2025September 17, 2025
Trump Celebrates 2 Trade Deals in 90 Days, With “88 Still in Progress” July 9, 2025September 17, 2025
Trump’s Government Downsizing Approved After Supreme Court Says “Sure, Why Not” for 47th Time July 8, 2025September 17, 2025
Trump Says Weather “Happened Too Fast to Predict” After Laying Off Everyone Paid to Predict It July 7, 2025September 17, 2025
Elon Musk Forms New Political Party to Fight Government He Personally Purchased July 6, 2025September 17, 2025
C-SPAN to Air UFC Fight from White House Lawn, Mike Johnson Named Guest Referee July 5, 2025September 30, 2025
Democrats Bet Entire Comeback on American Public Suddenly Paying Attention July 4, 2025September 17, 2025
Congress Passes “Big Beautiful Bill,” Poor People to Be Hunted for Sport by 2027 July 3, 2025September 30, 2025
Trump’s CIA Now Accepting Retroactive Edits to History: “It’s Like Wikipedia But For Presidents” July 2, 2025September 16, 2025
Senate Rushing “Big Beautiful Bill” to Meet Trump’s Arbitrary Fireworks Deadline June 30, 2025September 16, 2025
Democrats Force Full Reading of Trump’s Bill, Confirm It’s ‘The Purge’ With Pie Charts June 29, 2025September 16, 2025
New NATO Protocol Requires Every Meeting Start with 5-Minute Compliment Circle for Trump June 27, 2025September 16, 2025
Trump Mobile Clarifies: Phones “Assembled Near a Guy Who’s Been to America” June 26, 2025September 16, 2025
Panic at the DNC: Mamdani Wins Without Support From Clinton-Era Ghosts June 25, 2025September 16, 2025
U.S. Bombs Big Holes in Ground, Iran Moves Nukes to Slightly Different Ground June 24, 2025September 30, 2025
Trump Confirms Peace Deal Was Finalized Spiritually, During a Cheeseburger-Induced Vision Quest June 23, 2025September 16, 2025
They Came, They Stood, They Dissociated: Rubio, Vance, and Hegseth Observe the End of Empire from 3 Feet Away June 21, 2025September 16, 2025
Trump: Gabbard Mistaken on Iran Nukes, Should’ve Checked With Me Before Speaking June 20, 2025September 16, 2025
GOP Panel: ‘We Must Consider the Possibility That Biden Was Merely the Vessel… and the Pen Was Alive’ June 19, 2025September 16, 2025
Trump Says MAGA Base ‘Still in Love’ With Him, Despite Deepening Emotional Abuse June 18, 2025September 30, 2025
Mike Lindell Loses Defamation Case, Appears on RudyTV to Begin Defaming New People June 17, 2025September 16, 2025
U.S. Resumes “Life Tax” for Millennials Who Thought Education Would Help June 16, 2025September 15, 2025
Evangelical Assassin’s Friends Say He Was ‘Moral Man’ Who Just Hated Living People June 15, 2025September 30, 2025
Trump Condemns ‘Government Waste’ for Months, Then Throws $45 Million Parade With Jets and Marching Band June 14, 2025September 15, 2025
