Trump Compares Tariffs to Surgery While Hosting Saudi-Backed Golf Event: “The Patient Is Screaming, Which Means It’s Working” April 3, 2025September 11, 2025
Liberation Day: Trump Recites Gilded Age Lore, Then Tariffs the Entire Globe April 2, 2025September 11, 2025
Democratic Party Pulls All-Nighter to Pretend It’s Awake — With Cory Booker Talking the Entire Time April 1, 2025September 30, 2025
Mass Tesla Protest Fails to Dampen Musk’s Spirits: “Nothing Says Success Like 277 Angry Mobs” March 31, 2025September 11, 2025
Trump Says He’s “Not Joking” About Third Term, Vows to Keep Running Until America Collapses or He Does March 30, 2025September 11, 2025
White House to Replace African American History Museum With “Founding Fathers Funplex” March 29, 2025September 11, 2025
Frozen and Alone, JD Vance Describes Greenland Trip as “Spiritual… in a Jesus-in-the-Arctic Kind of Way” March 28, 2025September 30, 2025
Musk Launches Million Dollar Sweepstakes Just Days Before Election, Says “It’s Like Powerball, But For Voting” March 27, 2025September 10, 2025
White House Says Columbia’s Cancer Research Can Resume Once They “Stop Being Woke About Gaza” March 26, 2025September 10, 2025
12-Year Low in Consumer Confidence Met With 12-Minute Laugh from Trump Economists March 25, 2025September 10, 2025
White House Says Yemen Attack Was “Deeply Coordinated” — Especially With Editor of The Atlantic March 24, 2025September 10, 2025
No Trial, No Problem: Border Czar Says Dartboard Method Is “Faster Than Due Process and Way More Fun” March 23, 2025September 9, 2025
Pentagon Apologizes for Deleting Civil Rights Heroes, Restores One Jackie Robinson JPEG March 22, 2025September 9, 2025
Border Patrol Unveils New Tourism Slogan: “What Happens in Vegas… Could Get You Detained” March 21, 2025September 9, 2025
Trump Guts Education Department with Group of Field Trip Kids Who Thought They Were Visiting a Museum March 20, 2025September 30, 2025
Democrats Split on Whether to Oppose Trump Now or After He Finishes Dismantling Government March 19, 2025September 9, 2025
France Tries to Reclaim Statue of Liberty — Trump Threatens to Replace It with Bronze Bust of Marjorie Taylor Greene March 18, 2025September 30, 2025
Diet Coke Pulled from Danish Shelves Amid Trump Boycott: “It Had a Fascist Aftertaste Anyway” March 17, 2025September 30, 2025
Trump Admin Ignores Judge’s Order to Turn Planes Around: “They’re Basically in El Salvador Already” March 16, 2025September 9, 2025
Trump Declares VOA “Radical,” Demands All Foreign News Be Approved by Hannity March 15, 2025September 9, 2025
Trump Promises to “Restore Justice” by Firing Everyone Who Ever Investigated Him March 14, 2025September 9, 2025
Trump Demands Panama Canal and Greenland: “America Needs More Stuff to Put My Name On” March 13, 2025September 9, 2025
Trump Defends Student Arrests: “The First Amendment Doesn’t Cover Opinions That Suck” March 12, 2025September 9, 2025
“I LOVE TESLER”: Trump Becomes Part-Time Tesla Salesman to Boost Elon’s Stock March 11, 2025September 16, 2025
Trump to Replace IRS With Tariffs, Says ‘The Gilded Age Was Great for the 6 Richest Men Alive’ March 10, 2025September 9, 2025
DNC Unveils Resistance Plan: “Hope Bernie Keeps Screaming Into Bullhorn Until Things Cool Down” March 9, 2025September 30, 2025
Fired Park Ranger Labeled “Liberal Leech” After Aunt’s Facebook Post Goes Viral March 8, 2025September 30, 2025
Science Cuts Spark Protests; Trump Says Researchers Should “Go Get Real Jobs” March 7, 2025September 30, 2025
Trump Honors Child with Brain Cancer, Then Proposes Medicaid Cuts During Same Speech March 4, 2025September 8, 2025
Hegseth Halts Cyberops on Russia: “Trump Wants to See What They’ll Do if We Just Trust Them” March 3, 2025September 8, 2025
Lindsey Graham ‘Never Been More Proud’ of Trump for Yelling at Wartime Ally Until He Looked Sad March 2, 2025September 8, 2025
Trump Removes Spanish From Government Websites: “We’re Not Mexico’s Tech Support” March 1, 2025September 8, 2025
Trump and Vance Berate Zelenskyy on Live TV for 30 Minutes, Forget to Offer Deal February 28, 2025September 8, 2025
Trump Memecoin Believer Still Holding at $13: “It’s Not a Loss Until You Sell” February 27, 2025September 30, 2025
Chaos Erupts as GOP Town Hall Accidentally Becomes Monday Night Raw February 25, 2025September 8, 2025
Republicans Who Oppose Trump Meet in Secret Ballroom, Immediately Called ‘RINOs’ and ‘Cucks’ by Twitter Army February 24, 2025September 8, 2025
Federal Workers Unsure If They Should Email Elon Musk Their Weekly Wins or Just Die Quietly February 23, 2025September 8, 2025
